Amongst a whole host of things that I have been contemplating in the last couple of weeks, there has been a predominant thought on my mind. I really don't know how most people manage this situation, but I am often left bewildered by the way most people receive it. The point in question is, "Saying & Accepting a NO"
Pardon me if I keep re-iterating that growing up does this, growing up does that, but I surely believe that all adult manifestations are deeply rooted some where in our childhood. And most of my writing stems from where we all were when our beliefs, characters and lifestyles were being formed. I have always maintained that parenting is a tough thing- and knowing the difference between parenting an adult from parenting a child is the toughest. I can almost hear half my audience sigh and an emphatic exclamation of how do I know anything about parenting. Well I am not challenging anyone or their ways, but I increasingly feel that there has to be an emphasis on "agreeing to disagreeing" bit.
I often get told that I rebuff at most proposals. At other times, I am told I am insensitive. I am also told that I do not care for people and their emotions and related offerings. I am told I do not understand what others are going through. I am told my world starts and end at me. All of the above majorly guided by the fact that I do not agree to everything shoved my way all the time. When in reality I either affirm or refuse a proposal only basis what I feel like doing with the time I have on my hand. I strongly believe that once you are an adult, you are solely responsible for the things. activities, emotions and feelings you will subject yourself too. Then why this whole pandemonium about always receiving an acceptance from other people for what you want to do with your life.
I was told only last night that if I was refused a situation, I would never ever come back to ask again. And it was told to me in a manner to make me feel apologetic about it. OFCOURSE I will not come back to ask again. Not because I don't value other human beings but because I seriosuly do. Because I genuinely accept and respect one's decisions to refuse. If you are an adult I assume you have thought about a decision before expressing it. If you were a kid who needs to be coaxed into a particular experience, I will try a couple of times. But definitely not if you are above 18 years. I mention the figure not cause it testifies anything in particular, but even the world's oldest democracy gives you legal rights to get married, have sex, procreate, to be prosecuted in non-juvenile courts et al at that age. Those I consider the BIG decisions of life. So I am sure you are responsible enough to decide on things that you want to do with your time otherwise.
Thats where I feel parenting comes in. All our growing up years, we are always encouraged to say 'yes'. We are encouraged to not express our disagreement publicly. We are made to feel terrible about refusals, disapprovals, denials and rejection. What we miss out on is that these are matters of personal choices and nobody gets defined by anybody else's expressions. What we miss out on is that it is not always amicable to agree. Sometimes it takes just a push over the edge to be amicable while disagreeing.
Perseverence & persuasion are virtues definitely but as we go along our days, knowing where to draw a fence becomes irreplaceable. And like you gaurd your own boundaries, allow others to gaurd theirs. And do not corelate & confuse a series of emotions such as love, care, affection with expression of denial.
Now after all the deliberation, I feel and I urge all my readers to find yourself a rights of admission notice in life. Please say assertive "No's" when you don't want to do a particular thing. And develop an extra ba** to accept even a polite "No". Coz that is the tough part.
Oscar Wilde's "The Selfish Giant" had a beautiful garden with 12 peach trees and fragrant flowers(which is interpreted as Paradise) and that fell into perpetual winters with the wall built around and the famous words put out "TRESSPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED". May be coz of the use of a strong word as prosecution this phrase has an extreme connotation, but has still found its popularity among all generations since it was immortalised by the author. In today's world to protect the paradise inside of you and have the christ child visit you to blossom your frangrant flowers and the spring to sing in your heart- it is almost imperative to keep the noise and chaos of trespassers(my use here is indicative to the old saying and not personal to anyone) out.
Disclaimer: Some of you will feel and find resemblance of our conversations lately in the post above. BUT Any (even faint) similarity to any persons living and/or dead (especially alive & kicking ones), or events, real and/or imaginary (especially real) is purely, totally, completely and/or most probably accidentally coincidental."(#source of inspiration:jimmydumps)
Stay Well Everyone. Love to you all.
Pardon me if I keep re-iterating that growing up does this, growing up does that, but I surely believe that all adult manifestations are deeply rooted some where in our childhood. And most of my writing stems from where we all were when our beliefs, characters and lifestyles were being formed. I have always maintained that parenting is a tough thing- and knowing the difference between parenting an adult from parenting a child is the toughest. I can almost hear half my audience sigh and an emphatic exclamation of how do I know anything about parenting. Well I am not challenging anyone or their ways, but I increasingly feel that there has to be an emphasis on "agreeing to disagreeing" bit.
I often get told that I rebuff at most proposals. At other times, I am told I am insensitive. I am also told that I do not care for people and their emotions and related offerings. I am told I do not understand what others are going through. I am told my world starts and end at me. All of the above majorly guided by the fact that I do not agree to everything shoved my way all the time. When in reality I either affirm or refuse a proposal only basis what I feel like doing with the time I have on my hand. I strongly believe that once you are an adult, you are solely responsible for the things. activities, emotions and feelings you will subject yourself too. Then why this whole pandemonium about always receiving an acceptance from other people for what you want to do with your life.
I was told only last night that if I was refused a situation, I would never ever come back to ask again. And it was told to me in a manner to make me feel apologetic about it. OFCOURSE I will not come back to ask again. Not because I don't value other human beings but because I seriosuly do. Because I genuinely accept and respect one's decisions to refuse. If you are an adult I assume you have thought about a decision before expressing it. If you were a kid who needs to be coaxed into a particular experience, I will try a couple of times. But definitely not if you are above 18 years. I mention the figure not cause it testifies anything in particular, but even the world's oldest democracy gives you legal rights to get married, have sex, procreate, to be prosecuted in non-juvenile courts et al at that age. Those I consider the BIG decisions of life. So I am sure you are responsible enough to decide on things that you want to do with your time otherwise.
Thats where I feel parenting comes in. All our growing up years, we are always encouraged to say 'yes'. We are encouraged to not express our disagreement publicly. We are made to feel terrible about refusals, disapprovals, denials and rejection. What we miss out on is that these are matters of personal choices and nobody gets defined by anybody else's expressions. What we miss out on is that it is not always amicable to agree. Sometimes it takes just a push over the edge to be amicable while disagreeing.
Perseverence & persuasion are virtues definitely but as we go along our days, knowing where to draw a fence becomes irreplaceable. And like you gaurd your own boundaries, allow others to gaurd theirs. And do not corelate & confuse a series of emotions such as love, care, affection with expression of denial.
Now after all the deliberation, I feel and I urge all my readers to find yourself a rights of admission notice in life. Please say assertive "No's" when you don't want to do a particular thing. And develop an extra ba** to accept even a polite "No". Coz that is the tough part.
Oscar Wilde's "The Selfish Giant" had a beautiful garden with 12 peach trees and fragrant flowers(which is interpreted as Paradise) and that fell into perpetual winters with the wall built around and the famous words put out "TRESSPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED". May be coz of the use of a strong word as prosecution this phrase has an extreme connotation, but has still found its popularity among all generations since it was immortalised by the author. In today's world to protect the paradise inside of you and have the christ child visit you to blossom your frangrant flowers and the spring to sing in your heart- it is almost imperative to keep the noise and chaos of trespassers(my use here is indicative to the old saying and not personal to anyone) out.
Disclaimer: Some of you will feel and find resemblance of our conversations lately in the post above. BUT Any (even faint) similarity to any persons living and/or dead (especially alive & kicking ones), or events, real and/or imaginary (especially real) is purely, totally, completely and/or most probably accidentally coincidental."(#source of inspiration:jimmydumps)
Stay Well Everyone. Love to you all.
3 comments:
Love the way you have put across your views - clean, clear and crisp.
Thank you for your appreciation. Love Always
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