Many years ago, I had for the first time come across, a small snippet of an interesting write-up that captured the way a child thought differently of his father at different age and stage of his life. I have often revisited that snippet, to understand if I was falling in step with the ways this particular person cited his change of imagery and its associated emotions for his parent.
Later as life progressed, I discovered that the same process of analogy can be applied to many other things. These things can range from your concept of a partner, love, expectations, celebrations and more and more. Of course it can be debated that these are things that do not happen or do not alter so frequently or objectively. But there still are somethings for each one of us, that will hold some transitional story every year. For some it can be their seeking spiritually, for some it can be their seeking more materialistically. For some it can be physical transition while for some it can be passing by of seasons.
For me, for quite a few past years, it has been my birthday(which incidently is 24 hrs away). Every year it has been different. Different in many ways. Different in the way, the preceding days went. Different in the way, I achieved certain milestones in the year that went by. Different in the way, that I celebrated the day itself. Different in the way, I woke up next day.
As a child I remember, the day started with a prep up hug from Ma and a very unique gift which my mom had discovered made me the happiest. A brand new "Towel Set". Years later I feel my knack for ironed, clean and crisp linens were formed by this practice of my mother. There was always a casual dress school day with the usual song singing and sweets distribution to be followed my a home party(I am the generation before QSRs really took over that joy). And then the gift wrappers flying all over the room and the OMGs shrieking now and then. The tradition continued right till the time we passed out of school. The thing I remember most about those years was that the moment the knife would slice the cake, the thought of the next birthday being a full 12 months away crossed my mind and saddened my heart.
Then college happened and more friends appeared on the horizon. More outdoor stuff happened. More and more in-bound stuff disappeared. Cutting the cakes continued. Sometimes up to a dozen cakes I cut, in the entire day. Everywhere I went, a group of friends put together a small party. Sometimes these impromptu parties started a day or 2 before n continued to a day or two after the actual date.
And then more serious changes started taking place in life. Professionally & Personally both. My 24th Birthday- my first one after I landed myself a proper job and a more significant personal event was celebrated by my parents at their place with much fanfare. My Best Friend Sameera was there too. My 25th Birthday- I bought my first car. It arrived on 17th; just 2 days before D-day and taught me the biggest lesson I was to learn that year. That people do and will leave. They will promise and break those promises. They will not remember what is important to you. And also that when everyone would be gone, my A-2 compact segment i-10 will keep me warm and snug. I learnt that the only thing I need to remember was to click the door lock when I was seated inside. It was perhaps the first birthday I spent alone just driving my car the length and breadth of Delhi and I learnt that I was going to be my best companion. I cut not even a single cake this year.
My 26th- was preceded with much awakening and life changing incidents. Close friends and well wishers, Swati & PK had encouraged me to now invest in a house(to make a home). The days up to my birthday, also encouraged me to break the rituals of expectations and not meeting them. Soh, do something you have never done before. Do the regular stuff, go to office, leave on a business tour and not treat your birthday any differently than any other day of the year. And that is exactly what I did. Went to office and left for a business trip to Punjab and handed over my first installment cheque to the builder representative at the railway station itself. It makes me unusually proud year after year to see the property document and the date of booking on it.
My 27th - was preceded with the diagnosis of a cervical slip disc. MRIs, scans and physiotherapy was all that I spent my 17th-18th doing. Advised bed rest for 3 weeks. Considering the same as a compulsory birthday gift, I stuck to it.
My 28th - I had just moved to Mumbai, trying to find a place for myself in this city which apparently has space which does not appear to anyone at first glance. I had found a house, a maid, a milkman, a newspaper guy and the jhing bang that makes your life go from day to day. But it is what I was to find later this year, is what leaves me baffled today. I found another Soh :).
But as I sit after midnight today,I realize I have had a great start to the birthday month, fortnight and week this year - My 29th. I went on a road trip. I learnt to ride a bullet. I drove a half truck up a hill. I tried Para-gliding. I learnt to swim. I attended an allstarrjamm session. Icaught up with quite a few friends. But what I also realized is what I miss most about my birthdays now. I miss Baba & Ma. Cause if it was not for them, I wouldn't have had a birthday to go from year to year, gaining experiences and enthusiasm. To all the things I have done, gathered, learnt and accumulated in these years between my birthdays; if there is anybody who deserves to raise a toast to, its you Baba & Ma. My dad is the less-expressive kind but my Ma always says, that this day changed her life as she held her first child in her arms. And I found the same explained beautifully in a 1997 document submitted by Koray Tanfer of Battelle Memorial Institute &Frank Mott of Ohio State University about fatherhood primarily but can be interpreted for parenthood alike. It says,"A man becomes a father when he has his first child; this status is fixed, such that, once a man becomes a father he is always a father. He may subsequently have more children, or his responsibilities and activities may change due to divorce, or children leaving home, or for other reasons, but he is always a father."
If anyone deserves a celebration on this day, its you two; Baba & Ma. Cause now I can somehow bring myself to feel how you must have felt in these days just before I was born. As I engaged in the most exhilarating activities, it occurred to me all of a sudden; that nothing can be more exhilarating that having achieved parenthood like you both did so many years ago.
Dear Baba, Ma
This is to let you know; I miss you and I miss you a lot around me this time round. Its been a while and we deserve to celebrate this day together sometime.
Love
Me
*P.S- I love you. This year my birthday has a whole new dimension. Like every year it is renewing the bonds, values, meanings.
**And this whole piece would be incomplete without stating from where it started. A few days ago, an ex-boyfriend called unexpectedly and was beaming with excitement to break the news of fatherhood and in his exuberance he said,"Soh, if I was to have a daughter, she better be like you." To which my most natural response was, "Then you two better be like my Baba & Ma"
Later as life progressed, I discovered that the same process of analogy can be applied to many other things. These things can range from your concept of a partner, love, expectations, celebrations and more and more. Of course it can be debated that these are things that do not happen or do not alter so frequently or objectively. But there still are somethings for each one of us, that will hold some transitional story every year. For some it can be their seeking spiritually, for some it can be their seeking more materialistically. For some it can be physical transition while for some it can be passing by of seasons.
For me, for quite a few past years, it has been my birthday(which incidently is 24 hrs away). Every year it has been different. Different in many ways. Different in the way, the preceding days went. Different in the way, I achieved certain milestones in the year that went by. Different in the way, that I celebrated the day itself. Different in the way, I woke up next day.
As a child I remember, the day started with a prep up hug from Ma and a very unique gift which my mom had discovered made me the happiest. A brand new "Towel Set". Years later I feel my knack for ironed, clean and crisp linens were formed by this practice of my mother. There was always a casual dress school day with the usual song singing and sweets distribution to be followed my a home party(I am the generation before QSRs really took over that joy). And then the gift wrappers flying all over the room and the OMGs shrieking now and then. The tradition continued right till the time we passed out of school. The thing I remember most about those years was that the moment the knife would slice the cake, the thought of the next birthday being a full 12 months away crossed my mind and saddened my heart.
Then college happened and more friends appeared on the horizon. More outdoor stuff happened. More and more in-bound stuff disappeared. Cutting the cakes continued. Sometimes up to a dozen cakes I cut, in the entire day. Everywhere I went, a group of friends put together a small party. Sometimes these impromptu parties started a day or 2 before n continued to a day or two after the actual date.
And then more serious changes started taking place in life. Professionally & Personally both. My 24th Birthday- my first one after I landed myself a proper job and a more significant personal event was celebrated by my parents at their place with much fanfare. My Best Friend Sameera was there too. My 25th Birthday- I bought my first car. It arrived on 17th; just 2 days before D-day and taught me the biggest lesson I was to learn that year. That people do and will leave. They will promise and break those promises. They will not remember what is important to you. And also that when everyone would be gone, my A-2 compact segment i-10 will keep me warm and snug. I learnt that the only thing I need to remember was to click the door lock when I was seated inside. It was perhaps the first birthday I spent alone just driving my car the length and breadth of Delhi and I learnt that I was going to be my best companion. I cut not even a single cake this year.
My 26th- was preceded with much awakening and life changing incidents. Close friends and well wishers, Swati & PK had encouraged me to now invest in a house(to make a home). The days up to my birthday, also encouraged me to break the rituals of expectations and not meeting them. Soh, do something you have never done before. Do the regular stuff, go to office, leave on a business tour and not treat your birthday any differently than any other day of the year. And that is exactly what I did. Went to office and left for a business trip to Punjab and handed over my first installment cheque to the builder representative at the railway station itself. It makes me unusually proud year after year to see the property document and the date of booking on it.
My 27th - was preceded with the diagnosis of a cervical slip disc. MRIs, scans and physiotherapy was all that I spent my 17th-18th doing. Advised bed rest for 3 weeks. Considering the same as a compulsory birthday gift, I stuck to it.
My 28th - I had just moved to Mumbai, trying to find a place for myself in this city which apparently has space which does not appear to anyone at first glance. I had found a house, a maid, a milkman, a newspaper guy and the jhing bang that makes your life go from day to day. But it is what I was to find later this year, is what leaves me baffled today. I found another Soh :).
But as I sit after midnight today,I realize I have had a great start to the birthday month, fortnight and week this year - My 29th. I went on a road trip. I learnt to ride a bullet. I drove a half truck up a hill. I tried Para-gliding. I learnt to swim. I attended an allstarrjamm session. Icaught up with quite a few friends. But what I also realized is what I miss most about my birthdays now. I miss Baba & Ma. Cause if it was not for them, I wouldn't have had a birthday to go from year to year, gaining experiences and enthusiasm. To all the things I have done, gathered, learnt and accumulated in these years between my birthdays; if there is anybody who deserves to raise a toast to, its you Baba & Ma. My dad is the less-expressive kind but my Ma always says, that this day changed her life as she held her first child in her arms. And I found the same explained beautifully in a 1997 document submitted by Koray Tanfer of Battelle Memorial Institute &Frank Mott of Ohio State University about fatherhood primarily but can be interpreted for parenthood alike. It says,"A man becomes a father when he has his first child; this status is fixed, such that, once a man becomes a father he is always a father. He may subsequently have more children, or his responsibilities and activities may change due to divorce, or children leaving home, or for other reasons, but he is always a father."
If anyone deserves a celebration on this day, its you two; Baba & Ma. Cause now I can somehow bring myself to feel how you must have felt in these days just before I was born. As I engaged in the most exhilarating activities, it occurred to me all of a sudden; that nothing can be more exhilarating that having achieved parenthood like you both did so many years ago.
Dear Baba, Ma
This is to let you know; I miss you and I miss you a lot around me this time round. Its been a while and we deserve to celebrate this day together sometime.
Love
Me
*P.S- I love you. This year my birthday has a whole new dimension. Like every year it is renewing the bonds, values, meanings.
**And this whole piece would be incomplete without stating from where it started. A few days ago, an ex-boyfriend called unexpectedly and was beaming with excitement to break the news of fatherhood and in his exuberance he said,"Soh, if I was to have a daughter, she better be like you." To which my most natural response was, "Then you two better be like my Baba & Ma"
