Father's Day.....

There have been times when I have vehemently debated the need to celebrate these days; Father's Day, Mother's Day, Daughter's Day et al.....though let me honestly tell you that I never doubt the reason to celebrate a Valentine's Day surprisingly....But a Father's Mother's Daughter's day I have always felt there is no need for....
A lover probably needs a day to let you know how special you are and how magnificently you might have changed(altered) his/her life not because he/she loves you any more on that day, but may be because he/she can innovate a special way of letting you know the love they hold for you in their hearts...
But how can a parent, who held you in your first moment on this earth innovate a special way...try and understand their dilemma as they held you in their arms on that fateful day; they were innovating the best way to hold a new born and thereafter they have tried their best to innovate at every stage to be the most amazing/awesome way they can be....
They innovated numerous ways to change diapers, feed apple juice, toilet train, teach tables of 7,8,13,17, help you graduate from one stage to another in life seamlessly....

Contradicting my belief of not needing to celebrate a Father's Day, My BABA has been on my mind a little more than he does on an ordinary day, or perhaps it is all this media led diarrhea of emotions but the fact is that I wish I could meet him today and share a quiet evening. And just like most things in life it is exactly today that we are coincidentally about 1000miles away. So I thought it is best that I write a Blog to share with you all what I and Baba share.....

William Wordsworth said,"Father : to God himself we can't give a holier name."...well for me I don't know how God looks or really is in person, so for quite some time now I have alternatively used the terms Nature & God to refer to this infinite power that handles us. But I know what Baba looks like, he looks like this Dad whom I resemble more than I do with my mom; he also looks like this friend who I want to go out for lunch with; he looks like that mentor I can sit over with a drink(I can actually ask him to pick up beer on his way back from office); he looks like a child I want to send for a play, movie or trip and more than anything else he looks like ME really!!

I have a mail in my drafts whose subject read - "World's Best Savings Bank Account" where I maintain a note of all the credit and debit that goes on between me and Baba....however small or big we write it down to just remind us how much I really owe him...I very often search for that mail and just go through it wondering at the sheer physical virtual impossibility of the repayment of all the loans. But still I guess it is a great idea to keep noting down anyways...

I see fathers of all types around me; those who dote on thei kids, those who keep a distance, those who are not that communicative, those who play a silent role, those who are a father and just about that, those who have spent so much in becoming friends that they have not remained fathers.....But I can't fit Baba in any of those compartments, coz with him its different....

Well It wasn't always like this also because there were times when he was just being a father, who came home late from work, who stayed out for weeks on official tours, who just came in to ask how much I scored in my Monday test, who just picked and dropped me to tuitions. Baba was a dad people envied, but back then I only wondered why :( To me he came across as ordinary because he just went about doing what Ma couldn't do or just asked him to do...But then came a time not quite ceremoniously but it did come and usher in a era of change between me and Baba.
I would like to ask Baba here if he remembers this.....Cause I do with crystal clarity that day and that moment...but it didnt stop there and what continued was a silent understanding of expectations, role playing and delivery. It was somewhere in 2006 as I turned 22 that I first and completely understood the depth of our relationship Baba. For all those years of graduation; from school to college; from teenage to young adulthood; from a student to a professional were clouded in the myriad hues of insecurities, fear, doubt, uncertainity. And my understanding of US went through troughs and peaks of a graph sheet though we often said that we were gonna be carbon copies of each other.

I mentioned in the last para in 2006 as I turned 22, I think BABA went through a bigger metamorphosis. It wasn't me at this stage who did or achieved this transformation in our relationship, it was he who changed, it was he who took those giant steps to transform from a dad to being my world :) And I just love him for this, cause now when I look around myself and see dads of my friends(this is an indicative estimate and does not cover everyone), they are continuing to play the dad but they are losing out on having grown up children who are adults and can be great company.
It was like a wand of a magician that each day you unfurled a new dimension to being a great Dad.....
1. One Day he just made me drop my inhibitions to share with you even a crime that a might have committed
2. One day he made me discuss with him my deepst fear without dreading a gyaan session
3. One day he made me tell him how ridiculous my BF was behaving and how he should just help me drop him
4. One day he made me realize that we can have some secrets between us too
5. One day he made me understand that it wouldn't be easy to stand by what I really believe in
6. One day he let me know that I should be accepted for what I am, and not for what others would like me to be
7. One day he told me that I could tell him the truth about just about everything and he would take it from me on face value
8. One day he made me believe that no matter who tells him what, if its about Me, It will be Me who will have the last say
9. One day he imbibed in me a sense of belonging like never before I dad known
10. One day he made me remember by heart that I was Great, when I was Honest with myself

And that ONE DAY everytime he just kept on changing my life forever...

Today I can take him into cofidence and let him know even if I am gonna be doing the most silly thing possible for my age. But I would like to tell you that I havn't yet figured out the secret of how he catches me when I am planning to do something that might not be the correct thing to do....and on those days too, he doesn't confront or complain....he simply asks me 2 extra questions asking me what, where and when and I am told that it isnt the right thing to do....and so I send him a text sms saying, "PLAN CANCELLED".....

and I just say Dilip Mishra; tussi great ho!

Love you Baba; not in the conventional, written over and over again kind of way but in a very different special way....cause you innovated so well in the past 5 years to play a role which i no longer think can be just covered by the term Father.
Nevertheless on this Father's Day; you were on my mind a little more than ever and this is just to let you know that I wish to be like you a tinny winny bit!!