I just knew it always

Lying on my back
On the hay shack
Under the moonlight
& A Starlit Night

Mist filled the air
Breeze ruffled my hair
The seagul took its flight
Smiling back at my plight

I knew I'd See
A picture of Me
Known only by few
In the sky deep blue

As lay my hand
On the wet sand
The sea sang a song
Hadn't heard that for long

Wind cleared the sky
Saw the clouds Fly
As waves touched my feet
The heart skipped a beat

I knew I did see
A picture of me
Known only by few
In the sky deep blue

You Said It.....

With the warm wind that blew in
That Day through the gap in my window
Whispering in my ears, a whiff on my chin
My head tilted away and the eyes shut
Caught in it, struggling before I could know
But......YOU SAID IT

With the darkness that fell around noon
That day when the green leaves turned grey
Everyone anxiously awaited the thunderous boon
The laden clouds that furiously flew
Lost in it, expecting the rains I fell prey
And......YOU SAID IT

With a bright morning sun's first rays
That day when they woke me up with a hug
Pulled me closer to prep me for the day
The mist still lingers on behind my ears
Was still asleep and in the softness I dug
Just Then......YOU SAID IT

The rain washed down the white walls
That day when it came without a storm
Drenched me with prayers and promises over all
The chill of the raindrops I felt on my back
Was shrugging and shaking myself hard to dry
When exactly........YOU SAID IT

So many times, knowing unknowing
You just silently let me know
The magical words to which the hearts beat
With the raindrops, sunrays, wind & breeze
Through that little crack in the window
I always and always know
YOU SAID IT

A Thought On My Mind

Just like the storm that blew in this afternoon
And brought with it a whiff of the earth's scent
A thought left behind a footprint in my room
Looked back, smiled and hugged me before it went

Hours went by and I didn't know where to look
The scent was blowing with the breeze
I wish the storm could, but it never really took
I tried really hard, but time refused to freeze

Promise me sooner than later you will be here
Shooing away the darkness with that magical light
To fill up the senses, of doubt, loses and fear
And I will look forward to those stormy nights

Of The Poppies & Lillies

The road was meandering along
and I kept walking
on the sidewalk, skipping at the boulders
Sometime here and sometime there
Right in the middle of the road
balancing like a dancer on the divider

And when I looked left
you were there, ready to hold
And when I looked right
you were there, ready to scold
Only through your eyes
wondering at my moves
Ohh I love that LOOK
a li'l worry, a li'l tense & a lot of love

It brings a joy to my heart
that only poppies did as a kid
The bright red ones with black eyes
that swung to a rhythm in the breeze
To light up a smile in me
everytime I turned around to see
They taught me a step in dance
look up and smile everytime you get a chance

It makes me alive with a glow
that only lillies did as a kid
Rows and Rows of yellows n pinks
would greet me inbetween the winks
To bring in a desire to be more
than just the overt confidence I wore
They taught me a way of life
never be too wrought to strife

Its like that often with you
its the moments I get very few
It reminds me of those times as a kid
the smile n dance thing that we did
It brings back the memories
Of the wonderful Poppies and lillies :)

Games People Play....

She said she loved the game
Tip toeing out just as it felt it would rain
The first blaze of thunder
And she ducks right under
When she peeps out again
It has already started to rain

She said she just loved the game
She didn't learn from any master,
She did learnt it from her dame
To catch the raindrops in her hair
Away from any watchful glare

She said she loved this game
Watching the clouds float from the window pane
She loved just a little more
If she could find this on a sea shore

She often said she loved the game
Of droplets of rain washing away all pain
Only if she could let the cloud see
What the mountains said to thee

She said she simply loved the game
When she just like the mountain
Stood tall in the way
And the clouds touched her as if to say
How they wished to soothe away her pain
Under the strength of the mountain

Actually she really loved this game
She felt she could now show
If only there was a little time
She would let the clouds know
Just like the drops of water
They carried in them
Deep inside the mountain that she was
There were springs flowing too

Father's Day.....

There have been times when I have vehemently debated the need to celebrate these days; Father's Day, Mother's Day, Daughter's Day et al.....though let me honestly tell you that I never doubt the reason to celebrate a Valentine's Day surprisingly....But a Father's Mother's Daughter's day I have always felt there is no need for....
A lover probably needs a day to let you know how special you are and how magnificently you might have changed(altered) his/her life not because he/she loves you any more on that day, but may be because he/she can innovate a special way of letting you know the love they hold for you in their hearts...
But how can a parent, who held you in your first moment on this earth innovate a special way...try and understand their dilemma as they held you in their arms on that fateful day; they were innovating the best way to hold a new born and thereafter they have tried their best to innovate at every stage to be the most amazing/awesome way they can be....
They innovated numerous ways to change diapers, feed apple juice, toilet train, teach tables of 7,8,13,17, help you graduate from one stage to another in life seamlessly....

Contradicting my belief of not needing to celebrate a Father's Day, My BABA has been on my mind a little more than he does on an ordinary day, or perhaps it is all this media led diarrhea of emotions but the fact is that I wish I could meet him today and share a quiet evening. And just like most things in life it is exactly today that we are coincidentally about 1000miles away. So I thought it is best that I write a Blog to share with you all what I and Baba share.....

William Wordsworth said,"Father : to God himself we can't give a holier name."...well for me I don't know how God looks or really is in person, so for quite some time now I have alternatively used the terms Nature & God to refer to this infinite power that handles us. But I know what Baba looks like, he looks like this Dad whom I resemble more than I do with my mom; he also looks like this friend who I want to go out for lunch with; he looks like that mentor I can sit over with a drink(I can actually ask him to pick up beer on his way back from office); he looks like a child I want to send for a play, movie or trip and more than anything else he looks like ME really!!

I have a mail in my drafts whose subject read - "World's Best Savings Bank Account" where I maintain a note of all the credit and debit that goes on between me and Baba....however small or big we write it down to just remind us how much I really owe him...I very often search for that mail and just go through it wondering at the sheer physical virtual impossibility of the repayment of all the loans. But still I guess it is a great idea to keep noting down anyways...

I see fathers of all types around me; those who dote on thei kids, those who keep a distance, those who are not that communicative, those who play a silent role, those who are a father and just about that, those who have spent so much in becoming friends that they have not remained fathers.....But I can't fit Baba in any of those compartments, coz with him its different....

Well It wasn't always like this also because there were times when he was just being a father, who came home late from work, who stayed out for weeks on official tours, who just came in to ask how much I scored in my Monday test, who just picked and dropped me to tuitions. Baba was a dad people envied, but back then I only wondered why :( To me he came across as ordinary because he just went about doing what Ma couldn't do or just asked him to do...But then came a time not quite ceremoniously but it did come and usher in a era of change between me and Baba.
I would like to ask Baba here if he remembers this.....Cause I do with crystal clarity that day and that moment...but it didnt stop there and what continued was a silent understanding of expectations, role playing and delivery. It was somewhere in 2006 as I turned 22 that I first and completely understood the depth of our relationship Baba. For all those years of graduation; from school to college; from teenage to young adulthood; from a student to a professional were clouded in the myriad hues of insecurities, fear, doubt, uncertainity. And my understanding of US went through troughs and peaks of a graph sheet though we often said that we were gonna be carbon copies of each other.

I mentioned in the last para in 2006 as I turned 22, I think BABA went through a bigger metamorphosis. It wasn't me at this stage who did or achieved this transformation in our relationship, it was he who changed, it was he who took those giant steps to transform from a dad to being my world :) And I just love him for this, cause now when I look around myself and see dads of my friends(this is an indicative estimate and does not cover everyone), they are continuing to play the dad but they are losing out on having grown up children who are adults and can be great company.
It was like a wand of a magician that each day you unfurled a new dimension to being a great Dad.....
1. One Day he just made me drop my inhibitions to share with you even a crime that a might have committed
2. One day he made me discuss with him my deepst fear without dreading a gyaan session
3. One day he made me tell him how ridiculous my BF was behaving and how he should just help me drop him
4. One day he made me realize that we can have some secrets between us too
5. One day he made me understand that it wouldn't be easy to stand by what I really believe in
6. One day he let me know that I should be accepted for what I am, and not for what others would like me to be
7. One day he told me that I could tell him the truth about just about everything and he would take it from me on face value
8. One day he made me believe that no matter who tells him what, if its about Me, It will be Me who will have the last say
9. One day he imbibed in me a sense of belonging like never before I dad known
10. One day he made me remember by heart that I was Great, when I was Honest with myself

And that ONE DAY everytime he just kept on changing my life forever...

Today I can take him into cofidence and let him know even if I am gonna be doing the most silly thing possible for my age. But I would like to tell you that I havn't yet figured out the secret of how he catches me when I am planning to do something that might not be the correct thing to do....and on those days too, he doesn't confront or complain....he simply asks me 2 extra questions asking me what, where and when and I am told that it isnt the right thing to do....and so I send him a text sms saying, "PLAN CANCELLED".....

and I just say Dilip Mishra; tussi great ho!

Love you Baba; not in the conventional, written over and over again kind of way but in a very different special way....cause you innovated so well in the past 5 years to play a role which i no longer think can be just covered by the term Father.
Nevertheless on this Father's Day; you were on my mind a little more than ever and this is just to let you know that I wish to be like you a tinny winny bit!!

I wish To Let You Know......

Actually I only wish that I could somehow let you know

That I have lost myself in the orange sun going down
Over some distant palm trees merging into a purple moor

That I am trying to bring myself to this present moment
Away from the promises of that retreating sunlight

I wish to let you know, that I can see that sun setting
Losing itself faster than ever in the arms of the horizon

Lost in my thoughts, not holding onto you
But having you around myself, like I always do

It is like that day, sitting side by side, with mugs of coffee between us
We saw the skies turn purple before dark
And we saw the stars come on to smile back at us
As we sat not holding onto each other, But having each other around

I wish I could let you know how the sun went down that day...

I wish
.......I only wish