Windows

Many years ago, perhaps in class 6 or 7 I once stood up for a extempore competition. When I went up on the dias, with knees knocking against each other, hands trembling(though you might find it ridiculous, yes I did suffer from stage fright), I didnt want to sink in the bowl of folded topics fearing the worst- perhaps a topic on Nuclearization, Politics, History( I wasnt the most updated always).
But to my utter surprise and I must admit now a bit of disgust, the words scribbled on my chit of paper was - WINDOWS. For a split second, I didnt know what to speak....But then I did...you know about what....about Microsoft Windows ;-) . At the age of 12, it was considered smart and I was appreciated for my wit about Bill GATEs opening up a WINDOW to the world...I think I did a fair job in 180seconds coz I spoke uninhibited and unlimited about this square in the wall with four colors in the four grids....
But today, I couldn't help but visit that day again and contemplate what would I speak now if I was to speak of a window today.....I was looking out of the window which has a light blue hue coz of the curtains reflecting on the glass....faint green leaves of a neem tree, blown away with the wind filled the spectrum....one moment swinging left, the next moment swinging right....I pulled myself out of my bed, opened the window and stretched out my arms through the white metal grill to pull into a branch of the rainwashed leaves from the previous night....just then a drop of rain fell on my eye lid and I realized that it was raining still....at that moment I wanted to rush out to under the tree....but then I couldnt as I was only at the window...(of a thirdfloor apartment)
Such is the beauty of windows, they are your viewing pane for the world....yet they don't promise you an escapade!! Do we sometimes not wish that there were always doors and gates and not windows....well may be & may be not....
After all whats the fun of just pulling at the knob and walking through to the otherside.....what about the serennity of the restricting window grill that forces you to rejoice in the distance that is forced between you and the beloved...
Sometimes I can't help but think of our relationships as windows; almost always you cannot pull open the door and walk through and often it allows a brief peek into what it entails....
There was an exchange of thoughts I read somewhere a few days ago:
He said,"Today you have walked straight into me, deep inside me"
She said,"You mean I wasn't there already"
He said,"You went deeper today, just understand the feeling"
She kept quite at that.....
He said,"U understand"
She said,"Ya"
He asked,"What"
She said,"Just that it was about going deeper, while I waited at the doorstep and wondered where the calling bell was. Didnt even peep through the crack in the hinges"
He said,"Hmmm"
She said further,"May be I should try the window, atleast I would see whats going on in there"

See I told you, Windows are a better operating system for relationships.....at least you get to see whats inside or perhaps outside? They are better than doors, no one just walks through...(May be that's why Bill Gates never coined his product Doors ;)

If you have reached till here, it is time that you'd know U ARE MY WINDOW....had it not been for you, I did never know the simple pleasures of the relationship I share with you....To each one of you who reaches here, please keep the window open for me to perch on the sill on some evenings of our life and have that conversation while the rain makes a splatter splitter noise on the pane.....See you there always!!

Things I Want to do Before I Die

Those of you who reach this page(please note you are a privilege few) might have wondered while you read the title of this post....What Happened Today for me to chalk out this list....Well my dear friends....nothing at all :)
Just that I thought, it has to be some day, that a list will have to be drawn out of all the things that I desire and so I thought it better be today and now.
This list could be 10things or a 100, but if you find similarities with 60% of things on my list, please thank God that we crossed eachother's path....coz it has been and it will be pleasure to know you and your list....
So here it goes.....
1. Visit Leh & Ladakh

2. Learn swimming & swim with Dolphins(somewhere)

3. Write a Travelogue

4. Own a Log House near a silent lake anywhere in the world(i can almost hear the dew falling)

5. Safari in Africa (Giraffes, Zebras n Tigers)

6. Have a Cafe of my Own

7. Spend a long time with Sameera in Montreal (really long time)

8. Have Kids

9. Be a Housewife and raise my kids

10. Write a column for top dailies in the world

11. Be with people I have ignored in the past

12. Say Sorry to some of the people I have really hurt

13. Visit London with Swati

14. Buy a BMW

15. Buy a penthouse on the 35th floor of a building

16. Stand there with a view of the city, swirl the mint leaves in my ice tea with my best friends and talk with our silence

18. Go back to study

19. Join a community service cause

20. Learn Salsa

21. Learn & assist in healthcare services for women where there are none

22. Learn to make some desserts(tiramisu, cakes n truffles)

23. Shop at the Sunday flea market of Nottinghill(will assume Hugh Grant is with me)

24. Meet Johnny Depp

26. Have a pair of Jimmy Choo n may be a bag too

27. Go Sky Diving

28. Sponsor children education

29. Get Drenched in the rain at the shore of a sea with my soulmate nearby

30. Travel across Europe(perhaps alone)

31. Sit by the sea side all through the nite on a full moon night

32. Cook a great continental dinner for my friends

33. Have dinner with Ranbir Kapoor

34. Have a Zero size figure n wear that LBD

33. Eat Ice Creams and never have to worry about my weight gain

34. Skiing at Switzerland

35. Buy a 2carat solitaire ring

36. Write a Book

37. Go on a Holiday with Indira(anywhere would do for us)

38. Have Dev buy me a Longines

39. Join some PEACE Corp(read army/airforce) in some way at some point of my life

40. Para Glide

41. Live and work in New York(Manhattan)

42. Shop to my heart's content at Paris, Milan, London et al

43. Learn Pattiserie in Germany/ Switzerland

44. Host a Travel or Food Show

45. Grow Old Gracefully(Nafisa Ali)

46. Fulfill some of my eccentric souldriven fantasies(lets not get into the details here)

47. Take Baba on a world tour

48. Take Shikher to Midnapore

49. Find some love for some of the people who have brought out the worst in me in life(will like to forgive n move on)

50. Smile Always....

poooooofffffffff......more another time......

As You Go.....

As you go today

As you walk away

Just turn around once,

Not to let me know anything

That I dont know

But to give me a moment

To sow you inside me

As a seed of myself

Through my eyes and yours

For the time till you return

I shall hold within me

That last look you gave me

And nurture to form a vision

Of a time in distant future

Of watching a sunrise together

Over the mountains, with dew on our toes

Its Been A Long Long Time...

Wow.....I really wonder what kept me away for so long.....but WOW...I really wonder MORE about what is it that has kicked me hard to be back here once again....or perhaps you would have known if you could look at me at this moment..
Its amazing how time(read moments) just escapes the grip of your hand like those tiny mustard seeds, that we wish we could hold on tightly forever. We've tried as long as I can remember yet the mind is never really prepared to look at an empty palm of your hand.....But Why?? What is the fear here?? I think the question we are toying with is....What is it you gonna be left with, once everything fizzles out....

One over-riding conviction that has settled into my thinning and greying hair[its surprising how quickly it is happening ;) ] lately is that more and more we let ourselves get enveloped by the FEAR ....fear of WHYs WHATs HOWs WHENs ....the faster we are gonna loose what we can conserve while it is still with us.
As time is running ahead[I hate saying it's running by], I can't help but rejoice at the bountiful experience it is sharing with me.....and thats when I constantly feel that it would be a waste to worry about what will happen next. If this moment is gonna be spent is contemplating what will the next moment usher in, we will be rushing too fast into the future. As if we will be sitting on a mound of those mustard seeds very briefly before our large bums hit the hard floor....Ouch :)

Just live this moment before it runs out because it might be a very long wait before another such moment comes your way.....or perhaps this one is the first one and the last one. So why should we just let this pass, without living it fully and by fully I mean a consciously & fully aware here.

LIVE UP GUYS!!

Constant Inconscient Battle

Love is a distant thought when we are merely trying to make ends meet….

But whatever one meant by that, I fail to understand what the ends that are suppose to meet are and where are they??

With Mcdonalds and KFCs making noticeable gastronomic inroads into our lives’ periphery, our tastebuds getting accustomed to lovin’ finger lickin’ French fries and burgers- the ever growing waistline is making the waist belt ends difficult to meet….
Does the speaker refer to this end meeting when love seemed some miles away to him???

The other day around the mid of March a friend and comrade mentioned that he was due for a promotion this year but the end of the hierarchy hari sadoo refused to meet and see the point
Again I was made to ponder as to why the gap in the ends. But was this what the speaker wanted to indicate??

I still don’t feel certain. Then I happen to come across this housemaid in my locality the other day looking for a job. She mentioned that she otherwise hails from a reasonably well off family but the circumstances were forcing her to scourge for work. To my enquiry as to what these circumstances were she quite nonchalantly replied that on one hand she has raised to grown up children who fetched for themselves and on the other a cancer ailing husband. The children refused to meet the rising medical expenses that were essential to keep the dying man living for a few more days.

Ends not meeting?? Possibly yes probably no…

He had mentioned, “Love was a distant thought…
What has love got to do with ends?? Didn’t someone say that Love went around in a circle? Where there is no beginning & where there is no end. Then how on earth are we trying to make the ends meet to establish the sanctum of this whole damn thing called LOVE.


These screwing brewing things called love or the powerful thing that promises to keep us alive… Whatever that might be is another question, but is it a question of survival or decay?

Then I finally met Mr. X or whatsoever his name was & he spoke about Life and Death. He spoke about the destiny and the pre-planned nature of our existence here in the confines of our physical bodies. And we together vehemently argued the validity of what he said & meant.

In the middle of our verbal strife we arrived at a situation where we debated the differences in mortals. The difference that are naturally present and the difference that we erect in our lifetimes. The difference & gap that arouse out of our selfish agendas, self-effacing actions & self defending counter measures.
Bloody we all think of I, Me, Myself & Mine whereas the ideal is said to be us, ourselves & ours.

This is where it came a full circle. And this is where the ends meet & love takes over. I assume that the speaker meant this coz I feel this is true reason why all other ends don’t meet.

From the waistlines to professional trajectories, to parents & child relationship anywhere you go life’s just puts one blatant question in your face… Whom are you thinking about?? Who concerns you & why?? And more importantly the staring reality is best summed up in one single question??
Who really do you think is losing out……….. YOU or US??

As the belief gets firmer...............

Life is not tricky, I am.
You dont need to change, I wont.
Ignore me, I cant handle you.
Decieve me, I cannot trust you.
Tie me down, the wind kills me.
Neglect me, the attention breeds me.
Pretend to care, and I will love you.
Leave me by myself and I will let you go.
If you ever turn back, I will still be there.
Not waiting, or wishing. Watching you reunite with your destiny.
And then, I will be gone to make my own.

The Awakening Moment Spent......

There are those moments when you come to that rude awareness of your own sentience. Hey, you say. I am not a rock or a piece of PVC pipe. I am not a tree or a dust mop. I am a sentient being! I am aware of my own existence! And how utterly kickass that moment truly is.

You may carry this thought even further and say to yourself: what a magnificent, truly remarkable thing it is to be a living being, to even exist in the first place! How majestic the Universe and how large!

We were not owed a life, or a Universe. They just sort of happened, without our advice or consent.

And then you say: Oh, holy crap. I forgot to do the thing, and pay the bill, and call what’s-his-face. And there’s that moment of satori done with. And you better believe that the next one’ll be a long time coming, my friend.